From: Kristen_Nicole

As many of you have already realized, it’s MsKathy’s birthday today. What some of you may not know, however, is that she is actually Chuck Norris.

You’d better stop laughing. It’s true.

She’s been keeping her secret identity under wraps for quite awhile now – purely out of respect for all the lesser sentient beings that she has to interact with on a daily basis. I think it’s about time that we get the truth out here in the open. MsKathy is a bonafide super hero. What better way to celebrate the day of her birth than by listing a few facts and statistics about her impressive abilities?

• When MsKathy sends in her taxes, she sends blank forms and includes only a picture of herself, crouched and ready to attack. MsKathy has not had to pay taxes, ever.

• MsKathy can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures MsKathy allows to live.

• MsKathy once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. She spent the first 45 minutes having sex with her waitress.

• If you spell MsKathy in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then MsKathy turned that wine into beer.

• MsKathy discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which MsKathy is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, MsKathy roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

• MsKathy once ate a whole cake before her friends could tell her there was a stripper in it.

• MsKathy doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

• MsKathy always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

• When taking the SAT, write "MsKathy" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

• MsKathy invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink.

• MsKathy has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. She won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until MsKathy Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

• MsKathy can touch MC Hammer.

• It takes 14 puppeteers to make MsKathy smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.

• Simply by pulling on both ends, MsKathy can stretch diamonds back into coal.

• MsKathy invented water, liquor, sexual intercourse, and oxygen -- in that order.

• MsKathy is currently suing Myspace for taking the name of what she calls everything around you.

• MsKathy wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

• The Bible was originally titled "MsKathy and Friends"

• MsKathy can judge a book by its cover.

• MsKathy does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

• MsKathy is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

• MsKathy once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

• MsKathy got her drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

• MsKathy doesn't go on the internet. She has every internet site stored in her memory. She refreshes webpages by blinking.

• When MsKathy plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

• There are no such things as tornados. MsKathy just hates trailer parks.

• MsKathy does not follow fashion trends, they follow her. But then she turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows MsKathy.

• The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by MsKathy.

• MsKathy did not "lose" her virginity. She stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

• There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and MsKathy.

• MsKathy can jumpstart a car using jumper cables attached to her nipples.

• MsKathy invented the question mark.

• If you gave MsKathy a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second, she could write the Complete Works of Shakespeare

• MsKathy is not only a noun, but a verb.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Vag Commander! Now that I’ve revealed your true identity to the fandom at large, your reign as sovereign over the known universe can truly begin.

All hail MsKathy, benevolent wielder of the mighty red pen!

Your ever-loving and faithful servant,

Kristen Nicole