From: kimpy0464

AN ODE TO MSKATHY
BY KIMPY0464 AKA NOODLE

Once upon a time, there was a cool, cool girl named MsKathy.
She was ubiquitous in the Twi Fandom, her name being
linked with the most cool kids in school. It seemed that there
was nothing she left untouched. Her beta skills were legendary,
of course, as was the writing of her own stories.

Once upon a time, there was a geeky kid, the n00b on the block, who became obsessed with the Twi Fandom. She is known as Kimpy0464. Being a n00b, she didn’t understand the dynamics behind the whole online world, but she sought to learn. She lurked around the Fandom, poaching favorite stories from authors she liked to read. She read voraciously, and left reviews with the same voracity, and one day, an author responded to a review she left. An author who clearly had way too many things on her plate to bother with a review reply, but she answered nonetheless. Kimpy0464 was fairly certain she had died and gone to heaven. She experienced an extreme fangirl moment. That moment lasted approximately four months. In fact, it is probably still in effect to this day.

The cool MsKathy started a correspondence of sorts with the n00b. She gave her a nickname, “Noodle.” To be honored with a review reply is one thing, but to be bestowed with a term of endearment? Kimpy0464’s little fangirl heart has been racing ever since. It’s like Noodle was the new, geek kid at school, sitting alone in the cafeteria every lunch period. MsKathy, however, always sat at the cool kids table. One miraculous day, MsKathy invited her to sit at the cool kids table. Noodle clearly didn’t belong at the table, she wasn’t worthy of sitting there, but MsKathy sat next to her anyhow, putting her arm around her, and making her feel welcome and wanted. Noodle discovered that, of all MsKathy’s myriad talents, her finest talent of all is the ability to nurture, support, and love. There is no one in the fandom who even approaches her expert level of nurturing.



MsKathy has woven herself into my life in such a way that my day feels wrong, or somehow incomplete, if I don’t get a “hello” from her. In a few short months, she has wielded such a significant presence in my world that there are so many things I can’t do without thinking of her. Here is a list of all the ways she has touched my life:

COFFEE, COFFEE, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ:
I cannot make a French press, go to Starbucks, or consume a caffeinated beverage without first thinking of MsKathy

BODILY ADORNMENTS:
Corsets, nipple barbells, and lingerie have all taken on a new meaning in my mind. With just a few perfectly HOT we <3 it pics, she caused me to become obsessed with nipple piercings. Just one of the many facets of her ebil nature. THE PM ™ EFFECT:
Causes readers of Paper Moon to seriously consider batting for the other team. Curiously, this effect can cause previously heterosexual females to long to be lesbisons, or ghey males, depending upon which chapter she is reading. The effect is entirely insidious.

ONLINE DRUNKEN DEBAUCHERY:
MsKathy is always exceedingly gracious and non-judgmental when one happens to be drunk Tweeting, drunk Skyping, or drunk e-mailing. Even when you are trying your hardest to appear semi-lucid, she can cut to the chase: “How much have you had to drink tonight, Noodle?” It’s like she is fucking Columbo—she can work an answer out of you in 3 seconds flat; the woman has skillz. She can even help a n00b figure out how to use Skype with extremely helpful suggestions, such as “Noodle, did you turn up the volume on your laptop microphone?” (oops, my bad)

THE SHARED JOY OF ANAL RETENTIVITY:
If I had to choose just one MsKathy trait as my favorite (which is akin to Sophie’s Choice, I mean, how can you pick just one??), it would have to be the way she keeps obsessive track of all her tasks. When she wields her ebil red pen, it is fuckhot. When she publishes her Hello Kitty to-do list, complete with little Hello Kitty stamps to indicate an item has been crossed off the list, it is orgasm inducing. And, God help me, when she tackles multiple tasks simultaneously, while also keeping up with Twitter, e-mail, and Skype…that right there is one big, ongoing, multiple “O.” Just sayin.

MsKathy, you really don’t have a bad word to say about anyone…you are the eternal diplomat, always staying above the board. You laugh about Crunty McBitcherson, but you really could never be her, unless one of your girls was threatened. Then your loyalty blossoms, and heaven help the person who crosses one of your own. I wouldn’t want to be them!!

For the next year, I wish you ongoing success and happiness in the fandom, where you win accolades that you truly deserve. I wish for myself the ability to induce A) The infamous MsKathy Gigglesnort (it is purported to exist, but is rarely seen in public); and B) A blush. These are lofty goals, certainly, but I feel with enough practice, they can be brought to the surface.

It doesn’t matter that I’m nearly old enough to be your mother (okay, it would have been a pre-teen pregnancy, but still) I want to be you when I grow up. I want to be sweet and kind, I want to be smart and witty, and I want to be diplomatic and wise. And, perhaps most of all, I want to be the kind of person who can entice someone enough to send me naughty pics of their boobies when they’re drunk. Not that I have any personal experience with that….

MSKATHY: YOU ARE SO LOVED AND CHERISHED. HAVE THE HAPPIEST FUCKING BIRTHDAY ON THE PLANET, BB!! <3>